What your favorite church song says about you

Amazing Grace Link to heading

You had to be retired as a church greeter after refusing to stop using your whistle.

How Great Thou Art Link to heading

One of your favorite hobbies is watching the first parishoners stroll up to the front of church while you sit in your lawn chair and ask “What took you so long?” No matter how many times you say it, you chuckle each time.

Come, Now Is The Time To Worship Link to heading

The perm you received in 1998 is holding strong, and has been the subject of multiple injury lawsuits. All of the faucets in your house are polished bronze.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing Link to heading

You definitely need to call your parents.

Light the Fire (Al Denson) Link to heading

You keep trying, and failing, to recreate that “first summer camp” high, where you and 19 of your closest friends cried at the foot of a driftwood cross in a forest clearing. You haven’t kept in touch with those friends as much as you promised you would.

All Creatures of Our God and King Link to heading

Your grandchildren are all successful, and if you were alive you’d know that.

Be Thou My Vision Link to heading

Your most common response to any story, gift given, cashier interaction, or gift recieved is always “Well, bless your heart.” Wearing your cornucopia brooch makes your left shoulder droop, but it’s a repetitive stress injury you’re proud of.

The Heart of Worship Link to heading

That the “Greek” tattoo you got in college, which you thought meant “breath” or “spirit”, is more accurately translated “collapsed lung”. This used to depress you, but now it feels accurate.

A Mighty Fortress is Our God Link to heading

You’re anti-war, but that hasn’t stopped you from camping out in the tree stand at the edge of your 7.8 acres of retired farmland with nothing but a pair of binoculars and a Costco-sized bag of Cheetos.

Shine, Jesus Shine Link to heading

You usually like it when everyone joins hands to sing, but your palm condition makes it more complicated.

If the War Goes On Link to heading

You got in over your head when you decided to make your own muesli, and no amount of oat baths seems to diminish your supply.

Day By Day (Godspell) Link to heading

One of your most dearly-held spiritual practices is choosing a new name for yourself every three years. Every chosen name must contain at least one uppercase letter, one lowercase letter, one numeral, and one special character.

With credit to the original idea, What your favorite sad dad band says about you.